Another year older, which means another year closer for 40, can this whole aging process stop now? I don’t feel a day over 15. That aside, I’m scared to find out what’s in store for me today, or hopefully everyone I’m around in Newport forgot what today is.
Tell me about it, once you pass thirty you start dreading every year. Though I wouldn’t say I don’t feel a day over 15. Maybe 22. That’s about the time my bones started creaking, so I’ll go with 22.
I thought it was pretty universal that every one has watched the Wizard of Oz at least once. Apparently not.. I met a kid today that had no idea about the magic of the ruby red slippers. Deprived people, I swear.
Considering the fact that that movie is a little traumatic, I can understand why someone wouldn’t want to watch it.
Do you ever think someone looks like someone you know from behind so you run up to them and hug them to sneak up on them and then it turns out it’s just a random stranger? Because that happened to me yesterday and I still feel completely mortified.
This is the story of my life, honestly.
One of the best perks about being my friend is that you can come over my house in the middle of the day and be in your pajamas and I don’t judge you. Because there’s a 99% chance I’ll be in my pajamas as well.
That sounds like a pretty excellent perk, considering I hardly ever change out of my pajamas.
So I’ve finally made it to the a-list on the Kardashian game. Undoubtedly the proudest moment of my life
I refuse to get sucked into that game, it’s going to be flappy bird all over again.
"Yeah, natural beauty," he teased playfully. He smirked at her, glancing up with a grin. He nodded his head, giving her a tiny nudge. "I was giving you a compliment, stop overanalyzing it," he said, rolling his eyes at her. He looked down to his top, brushing his hands over the cotton. "No cheeto stains that I can see. I think I’m good," he said with a nod, looking up and chuckling softly. He pressed his lips tightly together, bringing his bottom one between his teeth. "Whatever you say, Brecks," he shrugged his shoulders, wiggling his eyebrows at her. He shook his head, pretending to investigate her face for spots. "No, you’re good. Just a few wrinkles here and there," he laughed, giving her a playful nudge. He felt a little strange, but it was still okay. The moment wasn’t terrible and they would get past the awkward phase eventually and go back to being the friends they were before. "They really are. Sometimes I feel like I might die," he admitted. "I don’t blame you. It’s really one of those hangovers that make you question why you drink," he nodded to agree. "Hey, maybe it hasn’t. Maybe I still like my terrible drinks!" he protested. "I’m glad you’re happy about it," he smirked.
Evan rolled his eyes, shaking his head. “Oh, you’re always taking everything I say the wrong way. Some things really don’t change,” he smirked, poking her in the leg with his toe. Evan was beginning to relax more now that he was getting more alcohol into his system. He was allowing himself to breathe, just focusing on each passing moment and not reading too much into little things. He smiled down at his lap as his mind shifted through old memories of them together. They had been a pretty fun couple. Things could have been great if he would have gotten his act together. But he was young and he wasn’t ready to settle down yet, Alex seemed like she wanted more than he could offer her. But now, they were both in a different place. Things could be different if they just tried it out. “Yeah, I know what you mean,” he nodded. “No no. Some people take longer. I mean fuck, I felt like shit for a year after we broke up,” he shook his head at the memory. “Yeah, you’re right. We need to work on this whole avoiding depressing topics, because somehow we’re bad at it,” he laughed. “Okay, good,” he nodded, letting out a small huff of breath. “I don’t know. It’s always awkward with exes, I guess,” he thought out loud. “No big deal,” he repeated, glancing up to make eye contact as if that would help lessen the tension.
Evan shook his head, pinching the bridge of his nose. “It’s not that simple. I can’t just take time off of life. Life is kind of what’s beating the shit out of me, not work,” he sighed, leaning his head back. He nodded his head, sighing shakily. “Yeah, you’re right. People change. Things change. The world doesn’t stop for anyone, we just kind of have to go with it,” he said, brushing the tips of his fingers along his jeans. He glanced up as she spoke, clearing his throat shakily, meeting her eyes. He nodded his head in understanding, ruffling his hair. He knew she was right. Everything had blown up every since their domestic dispute, and it was only because Emma was much more widely known because of her background. He just wished that there was a way for him to escape the limelight now that the relationship had ended. “I understand what you’re saying, Alex. I do. But I couldn’t get mad at her for that. It was out of her control, you know?” he shrugged, watching Marlon run across the living room once again. “I know you didn’t mean anything by it. It’s fine,” he assured her, glancing up to her earnestly. “Yeah, things are different for guys. It’s shitty how the world works. It just… it is what it is, I guess,” he said with a soft sigh. “I just - I can’t,” he shook his head. Evan shut his eyes, quickly shaking his head. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. It - It just happened. I don’t know why,” he sighed, glancing over to the wall. Evan shook his head, staring down at his lap and not bothering to protest as she took his keys. “I can’t tell anyone. I feel like I’m losing my mind. Sometimes I wish he had just… died. He probably wishes he did. I did that to him,” he let out a breath. “I watch him sometimes and - and send him money anonymously. But none of that gets him his life back.”
"I am not overanalyzing anything!" She protested, laughing softly as she spoke, her eyes widening as she shook her head. At least, she wasn’t trying to to overanalyze anything. She was doing everything she could to stop herself from overanalyzing everything. She needed to do a better job, she forgot how well Evan knew her. "No, no you’re good." She assured him, her eyes darting over his shirt one more time. It was one he’d had for ages, she was surprised it hadn’t fallen apart by now. "C’mon, we both know just how much you despise social interaction. I’m going to assume that means you don’t take him out to the any parks for playdates, since that would require leaving your house." She teased, laughing softly. Alex gasped softly, a look of mock offense on her face. "Hey!" Her eyes narrowed, reaching out to push his shoulder gently. "Jerk." She mumbled, though a small smile pulled at the corner of her lips. Alex knew he was just messing with her, but she couldn’t help the way her hand rose to press at the sides of her eyes, her lips twitching as she sighed softly. She was older now, an she was only going to continue getting older. She would always have that age gap with him. "Sometimes I probably should die, with the amount that I manage to drink," she laughed, shaking her head with a smile. "Absolutely. Too bad I end up doing it all over again in a few weeks." Alex laughed softly, raising a brow as she looked at him. "Oh? Do you still like your terrible drinks? Your PBR’s and cheap liquors?" A small smirk tugged at her lip as she looked at him expectantly.
"I think you mean I always like giving you a hard time, and you’re right, some things never change." She shook her head with a smile, giving him a quick wink, laughing softly, her leg twitching away when he poked her. This was beginning to feel better, easier. It almost felt like they were back to where they used to be, before they broke up, before whatever awkwardness this was had settled between them. It was nice to feel this way again, even if it was only because of the alcohol, and even if it was only going to last for the night. Alex’s brows twitched down, glancing up at Evan. "Really?" She asked softly, blinking up at him. "A year?" She asked, unsure he was telling the truth. She couldn’t imagine their breakup affecting him that hard, he’d seemed like he’d gotten over it quickly. Of course the initial breakup had caused emotions with both of them, but Evan seemed to bounce back quickly, getting back to his usual way of life. "I didn’t know." She said softly, dragging her lower lip between her teeth. "Yeah, yeah we’re pretty bad at this." She agreed, laughing as she nodded, pushing her hair back behind her ear. "Well, I think it’s been long enough we can not be awkward with each other, so, no awkwardness." She declared, nodding her head with a smile, giggling to herself as she tipped slightly on the couch. Alex grinned at him when he looked up at her, nodding in reply.
"That’s not entirely true," she said softly, shaking her head. "Take a vacation. Sleep. Get some rest. Maybe if you were able to do that, you could think things through a little better. Things might be a little more clear, you know?" She suggested, shrugging with a small smile. "While that all may be true, we can at least make the best of what we’ve got while we’ve got it." She added, nodding. Alex knew as soon as she started talking that she shouldn’t have said anything, that anything she said right now was going to come out wrong, and sounding bitter or jealous. She was only trying to help him feel better. "I — That’s not what I’m saying, I’m not saying you should get mad at her for that, I know it’s not her fault," she corrected herself quickly, shaking her head, sighing sadly. "Just forget I said anything, none of this is coming out right." She mumbled, hanging her head, shaking it gently as she looked at her lap. Alex bit her lip and nodded, but didn’t look up at Evan. "It is what it is but it sucks ass," she nodded, sighing. "Okay, okay you can’t," Alex nodded, trying to get him to calm down. "You don’t know why!?" Alex’s eyes were wide as she watched him, breathing quickly. "You don’t just kiss people to distract them, Evan, especially not ex-girlfriends! You really haven’t changed, have you?" She asked, her voice faltering at the end, softening and betraying her feelings. Alex swallowed roughly, holding his keys in her lap, unsure how to comfort him.
"You need to talk to someone about this, Evan," she urged softly, brows drawn down. "Maybe it’ll help you feel a little less like you’re losing your mind," she offered, biting at her lower. "Don’t say that," she said quickly, shaking her head. "You would hate yourself even more if that had happened, I know you." Alex sighed softly, wetting her lips. "Maybe not, but I’m sure it’s appreciated." She said, biting at her lip. "You need to get some sleep," she said, sighing as she pushed herself to stand, a little unsteady on her feet. "The guest bedroom is down the hall. There’s a bathroom attached if you need to puke." Alex chewed at her lip as she looked down at him, shifting slightly as she stood. "Just, try to get some sleep. I’ll give these back in the morning." She said softly, dangling the keys for a moment before pocketing them. "Good night, Evan." She whispered, giving him a lingering glance before turning, making her way back to her own bedroom, closing the door gently behind herself and letting out a heavy breath.
Evan sighed heavily, looking down to the ground. He hoped that Alex didn’t read too much into his words. He didn’t want to confuse her. He could barely take care of himself, so focusing on someone else was going to be nearly impossible. Evan laughed, shaking his head in amusement. “You just have a natural beauty going on,” he commented, quirking his brow. Evan looked down to his outfit, kind of ashamed of the little effort he put in. He was wearing the same jeans he wore yesterday and a t-shirt that was bought from a thrift shop when he was eighteen, so it was likely as old as he was. But he was at least there, that was the main thing. “Maybe a little bit,” he said, rolling his eyes at Alex. He shook his head, looking down to his lap. “Sorry,” he said, shaking his head again at himself. He didn’t want to make this weird, but he was starting to feel something for her. The familiarity of it all was kind of comforting. He couldn’t help it, it felt good to be with her again.
He shook his head too, smiling at her. “Yeah, they’re terrible. The wine headache. Fuck, I thought I was going to die,” his eyes widened and he frowned. “Of course it’s true,” he smirked at her playfully. “Yes, absolutely. I have to get tipsy in order to tolerate pretty much anyone, honestly,” he laughed, rolling his eyes at himself. He’d always been anti-social, but he was much worse recently. “Mhm,” he nodded, looking up to her. Evan was always the one that liked to keep things light. He’d rather ignore an issue than confront it, which was part of the reason why all of his relationships failed. Everything was a joke to him, or so it seemed. He just didn’t know how to approach the subjects. “Yeah, I understand that. I’m sorry that you miss him. That really sucks,” he shook his head and frowned. “Yeah, it does. You’re allowed to miss him, though. Plain and simple, you’re allowed to wish he was still around. That’s human,” he said, giving her a shrug. He was getting a little better at conversations like this recently. “Yeah, it is a little depressing,” he laughed too, mostly so she wouldn’t feel awkward. “Sounds good to me,” he nodded. He glanced up at her words, letting out a breath of relief. “I thought it was just me,” he laughed. “Yeah, it’s a little awkward.”
He didn’t know what to say, looking down to the ground, his legs jiggling anxiously. “Yeah, a few weeks would be great,” he agreed, clearing his throat. “Yeah, exactly. I mean, I feel like it’s even getting to some of my friend’s heads. It’s so frustrating. I just want things to be chill, but it never is anymore,” he shrugged, chewing on the corner of his lip. “Yeah, you’re right. I don’t know, I just wonder sometimes if it’s all worth it. I mean, I love to act. But the fame thing… I don’t know if I can handle it. It seems to get more intense every month,” he sighed shakily, pressing his lips together tightly. “Hey, you shouldn’t be anything. There’s no rule book to how your life is supposed to go. I’m almost thirty and showing no signs of settling down, so I feel you,” he nodded with a smile. Evan let out a heavy breath, squeezing his eyes shut. “Right… I know. Sorry. I’m just freaking out, okay?” he admitted. He shook his head quickly, running his hand over his face. “I can’t say…” he muttered, biting his lower lip. Evan quickly moved his hands to his lap, turning around again and staring down at his glass on the table. “Shit… Alex, I’m sorry. I didn’t - that wasn’t supposed to happen,” he sighed heavily. “A couple months ago, I was at Martin’s and we were getting high and drinking. I thought - thought I could drive, but I fucked up. I really fucked up,” he squeezed his eyes shut. “I hit someone with my car and now he’s practically a vegetable. And I just drove off. I just left him there like that.”
Alex did her best to push any of those thoughts aside, knowing no good would come of overthinking this situation. It would only make her crazy. “Natural beauty?” She repeated, quirking a brow, looking at him skeptically. “I guess that’s better than unnatural beauty.” She laughed, shaking her head in amusement, pressing her lips together in a smile. She wanted to keep this as light as possible, to keep this from becoming so awkward he’d want to leave. “I’m surprised you don’t have cheeto stains on your shirt,” she teased, giving him a quick wink before looking away, laughing softly. “Pleasantly surprised, but still surprised.” She added, a soft smile on her lips. “I think more than a little bit,” she laughed, shaking her head with a smile. “No, it’s okay. Just as long as there really isn’t anything on my face.” She chuckled, dismissing the awkward moment. She wouldn’t let herself fall into the familiarity of all of this. It was too easy to fall back into old habits, and she wouldn’t let herself do it. “Wine headaches are terrible,” she shook her head, her eyes widening as she spoke. “Makes me not want to drink wine again for months, I swear.” She laughed, running a hand through her hair. It was a nervous habit she had, one she couldn’t help. ”But wine isn’t even really that terrible to begin with, you just have to find what you like. And you had such terrible taste in drinks back then, I swear. I hope that’s changed,” she laughed, eyeing him playfully. Alex laughed softly, rolling her eyes. “Well, it’s good to know some things never change.” She teased, pressing her lips in a smile.
"I get it now! You have to get tipsy to tolerate me, don’t you Evan? That’s the only reason you agreed to this, was because there’s alcohol, isn’t it?" She laughed as she spoke, her eyes crinkling with a smile as she teased him, feeling the alcohol settling in her veins, relaxing her, letting her feel more comfortable saying things she normally wouldn’t. Things with her and Evan probably could have worked out, there was a possibility that they could have been together this entire time, going on seven years. But it was impossible to get him to be serious when she needed him to be, to talk about things that mattered. To talk about any kind of future they could have together. And that’s when Alex had realized there was no future for them, and she’d decided to cut her losses. "I just miss having someone to talk to." She whispered, shrugging sadly. "It’s been three and a half months I think that’s past the time that I should have moved on." She pointed out, raising a brow as she looked at him. "This isn’t supposed to be depressing conversation right now, this is supposed to be two old friends catching up and talking about good things." She laughed, smiling. Alex laughed softly, pushing her hair back behind her ear. "Not just you," she confirmed, shaking her head gently. "Why is this so awkward? It’s been years since we’ve been together, and we’ve both had other relationships since then." She pointed out, keeping to herself the exact reason it was so awkward for her. "We’re just friends now, no big deal." She shrugged.
Alex’s brows twitched down as she watched him, knowing something was off, but not sure how to approach the subject. Alex sighed softly, tilting her head. “Maybe you just need to take a few weeks off.” She suggested, shrugging. “Things have changed a lot,” she mumbled, shrugging a shoulder, looking down. “People change, y’know? Nothing ever stays the same.” She sighed, shaking her head. Alex pressed her lips together, chewing at her lower lip, hesitating before speaking. “There’s not way for me to say this without it coming out sounding… bitchy, I guess. But, all this attention that you’ve been getting, it’s because of Emma,” she said softly, keeping her gaze down. “I’m not saying all these good things wouldn’t have happened to you if you hadn’t dated her, but, the gossip and the tabloid shit, probably would have been less.” Alex sighed, shaking her head, running a hand through her hair. “Never mind, forget I said anything, I know you loved her, I didn’t mean anything by that.” She pulled her lower lip between her teeth, sighing softly. “It’s different for guy,” she started, shaking her head. “You don’t have people constantly telling you your time is running out, clock’s almost up. Only so many more years where it’s acceptable for me to have a child and all that.” She said, rolling her eyes and shaking her head. Alex nodded as he spoke, keeping her eyes on him. “Just breathe,” she said softly. “You can’t say what?” She urged quietly, biting at her lip. “What the fuck was supposed to happen, Evan?” She hissed, eyes narrowing. “What the fuck did you think was going to happen when you leaned into me and kissed me!” Alex’s heart was beating fast against her chest, emotions she’d been trying to avoid running rampant now. She sat back as he spoke, her breath catching in her throat, her eyes widening. “Shit,” she said finally, her voice barely a breath. “Evan,” she whispered, unsure how to respond. Alex pulled at her lower lip, swallowing roughly as she reached forward, lifting Evan’s shirt slightly to grasp at his keys, unhooking them from his belt loop and pulling them back, setting them in her own lap. “I’m sorry.” She said softly, shaking her head. “Have you told anyone about this?”
Evan smiled at her surprise of the word, looking down to the ground. It just kind of slipped out without even thinking about it. He felt kind of bad for messing with her emotions. It wasn’t exactly what he meant to do. It was so easy for him to fall into old habits, especially when it came to his ex-girlfriends. “You’re welcome,” he mumbled in reply, giving her a small smile. “Well, I guess effortless works for you, then,” he said with a grin, his eyes darting over her face for a moment. Evan’s eyes lingered on Marlon and the other dogs for a moment, chuckling in amusement. “That’s good. Marlon could use friends, honestly,” he laughed, shaking his head. Evan’s brows furrowed at her question and he quickly shook his head, clearing his throat awkwardly. “I - uh - sorry. Sorry, I was just kind of day dreaming,” he admitted, ducking his head to hide his reddening cheeks.
Evan sighed shakily, running his hands over his jeans again. This was way more awkward than he was expecting, and it wasn’t even in a negative way. It was just clear that there was something still going on between them. He sighed shakily, biting his lower lip. “Yeah, it’s not terrible, actually,” he nodded his head with a smirk. “Yeah, it’s kind of hard not to acquire a taste for it. Eventually, you just want to get drunk to tolerate the bullshit at those events. You’ll take anything you can get,” he rolled his eyes. “No, this is good. Beer won’t get me there fast enough,” he said, looking down to the ground. Evan wished he knew what to say in a situation like this. He felt like he should be joking around with her like he used to, but it didn’t feel quite right. He nodded his head, glancing up to her. “Yeah, it’s not bad at all,” he shook his head with a smirk. “You don’t miss him at all?” he asked gently, glancing up to look at her once again. “Yeah, I see your point. Sometimes it’s just nice to belong to someone. Anyone,” he shrugged. “Alright! No more ex discussion,” he chuckled. He sighed softly, leaning back against the sofa and clearing his throat. “So…” he trailed off, drumming his hands on his legs awkwardly, watching as Marlon made his way across the living room with Elvis and Annabelle behind him.
Evan watched as she got up, sighing softly and chewing on his bottom lip. He’d never struggled so much with coming up with something to say before. He always had something to talk about. But right now, the only thing on his mind was the one thing he wasn’t ready to say out loud quite yet. He leaned over and grabbed the bottle, topping his glass off as well and resting it on the table. “Yeah, I feel you. Sometimes I wish I could just sleep forever,” he shook his head in annoyance. “Yeah, LA just doesn’t feel real. I mean, I know it’s probably cliché for me to say this, but it all just feels so fake. No one is real here. It gets to be a little too much sometimes,” he said, leaning his head back against the back of the couch. “He did. Sometimes I wish I just said fuck it and went with him,” he shook his head. Evan shook his head, looking to the bar. He didn’t know how to tell her, despite how much he wanted to get the words out. He listened to her as he spoke, nodding his head and staring down at his lap. “You’re not pathetic. He’s an asshole. Don’t get yourself down because of something that he did. You shouldn’t blame yourself,” he whispered. “Look, I don’t know how to like-,” he shook his head, reaching over to grab his glass and lowering it down completely. “Fuck,” he whispered. “I just - I ruined someone’s life and I-I’m sorry,” he sighed heavily, turning toward her more and bringing one leg up on the couch. “I just-,” he stared at her for a moment, his eyes glancing down to her lips before quickly leaning in to kiss her, letting it linger before pulling away. “Fuck. I’m sorry. I’m really sorry.”
Alex was aware that Evan was a flirtatious person, that was just his personality. And if anything, that’s all this was. He was just being his usual, charming self. There wasn’t anything to read into here. Alex looked down to the floor, a light blush dusting her cheeks as she pushed her hair behind her ear. “If by effortless you mean lazy, I guess so.” She shrugged, laughing softly. She was lying, she had put a little bit of thought into her outfit. She tried to make it so it wasn’t obvious, so it just seemed like she’d thrown on some clothes and been done with it. But she felt something settle in her at the fact that he thought she looked good. “Is he a shut in just like his daddy?” She teased, her eyes playful as she smirked at Evan. Alex blinked his way, wiping at her chin, dropping her hand and letting out a soft laugh when he spoke. “Oh. Okay.” She murmured, nodding. She wasn’t sure if it was her imagination or not, but she felt like he was looking at her the way he used to. It had to be her imagination. There was no way Evan still felt anything toward her like that, even in a casual sense. There was an awkwardness in the air, it was obvious neither one of them knew how to act. At least there wasn’t any negativity, there had never been hard feelings between them after the breakup, it had been as amicable as it could have been.
"No, it’s really not," she laughed, shaking her head. "Though, wine hangovers, they’re awful." Her nose crinkled as she laughed, her lips turned up in a smile, slowly falling into the ease of what they used to be. "Yeah that’s true," she giggled, shaking her head in amusement. "Or at least get tipsy enough that people are bearable." She added, smiling. Her brows raised at his words, tilting her head as she watched him curiously. "That so?" She asked, chewing at her lower lip. There was definitely something going on with him, and she wanted to know, to at least know if there was something she could do to help him. But she knew Evan, and she knew he had a hard time talking about serious issues. It was one of the reasons they’d broken up, he could never be quite as serious as she needed him to be. Alex sighed heavily, running a hand through her hair. "Of course I miss him, he was my best friend." She shrugged, looking away. "I don’t know, I don’t want to miss him. I think I miss the idea of him more, if that makes sense." She said, her brows furrowing as she spoke. "Yeah," she said softly, nodding slowly. "Yeah exactly. It’s just… I don’t know. This is getting depressing." She said, forcing a soft laugh and shaking her head. "No more ex discussion, thank you." She smiled, shifting back on the couch and taking a sip of her drink. She bit her lip as he trailed off, fidgeting where she sat. "This is awkward." She spat out, shrugging. "I mean, just, this," she gestured between them. "Right? I don’t want it to be awkward, but it is."
The silence that hung around them was palpable, and it was weighing heavy on Alex. She wished there was a way to make this easier on both of them. “Maybe not forever. A few weeks would be good,” she nodded, a small smile on her lips. “It may be cliche, but I know what you mean. Everyone is really fake. It’s bearable if you have the right friends. But still, it gets to be a little too much.” She nodded, sighing softly. “Things would definitely be a lot different if you’d done that. But I know you, Evan, acting is your thing. You like being in front of a camera, I don’t think you could survive on just doing stage stuff.” She said softly, shaking her head with a smile. Alex pressed her lips together, shaking her head and looking down. “No, I am. I stayed with a guy who cheated on me because I’m freaking out about getting old and not having anybody. I’m thirty-two, I should be married with kids by now, and look at me.” She muttered, swallowing roughly, gesturing to herself. Alex raised her glass to her lips, taking a large sip, wincing at the burn. Her eyes raised to watch him, frowning when he downed his drink. “Whoa, Evan, slow down it’s okay. Relax. I’m not forcing you to say anything, I’m just saying, you can talk to me.” She shrugged. “What do you mean you ruined someone’s life?” She asked, brows furrowing as he shifted closer to her, tilting her head as she watched him. “What?” She asked softly, looking at him in concern. Her eyes widened when he moved in, breath hitching, sitting still in shock as he kissed her. It was like a switch flipped in her brain, and she slipped back into old habits, her eyes slipping closed, responding to the kiss, albeit cautiously. She blinked her eyes open, realizing what just happened, shaking her head quickly and shifting back. “Evan what are you doing,” she said quickly, distancing herself. “What,” she was at a loss for words, her hand coming up to touch her lips. “What the fuck!” She whispered, her brows drawing down, distressed.
Evan sighed heavily, brushing his hands off on his jeans. He glanced around her place, nodding his head in recognition. He hadn’t been there before, so it was interesting to him to see how a place she calls her own would look now. Things had changed so much for the both of them. Somehow, this place looked more mature than her last. It looked like it belonged to a woman, well-adjusted and confident. In a way, that was who Alex was now. She was in her thirties, living in Los Angeles all on her own. It was strange to be back here with her again, to look her in the eyes and know she’s still the same person; but so very different. He wondered if she was thinking the same things he was. “You look cute,” he teased.
"Marlon likes to have doggy friends, he’ll be fine," he assured her with a smile. He watched the dogs for a moment before turning back to look at Alex, investigating her face. He nodded with a smile, looking down to the ground. He ran his hands over his jeans, just to make sure he was actually here. Part of him felt like he was floating, like the sensation you get in dreams, where your present in them but it’s as if there’s someone else there thinking for you. Regardless of how he felt, it was clear that he was very much awake. He glanced up to Alex when she began to speak again, smiling softly at her. "Nope, hasn’t changed. Although, I’ve recently found my taste for wine. I never thought that would happen, but I’m slowly getting used to it with all of the award parties I’ve been attending recently," he chuckled softly, rolling his eyes. Evan didn’t want any awkwardness between the two of them. He desperately wanted to bring that up, to tell her that things could just be normal with them. They didn’t need to make things weird. But something was stopping him from speaking up about it. He just twirled his thumb around the top of his glass, staring down at it with blurred vision.
Evan smiled at her sadly, shrugging his shoulder. “No, I get it. You don’t want to talk about it, but there’s something always nagging at you and saying you should talk about it. That’s how I get too,” he rolled his eyes at himself. He hadn’t thought too much about his break up with Emma. Sure, it had been hard. But there was already so much noise inside his head that it clouded out the pain of her leaving him. It didn’t really matter in the grand scheme of things. He was still stuck as the person he was. His problems didn’t lie in the relationship he had with Emma, which terrified him, because the break up did nothing but further isolate himself from the world. Evan snorted, nodding his head. “Yeah, probably,” he admitted, lowering some more of his alcohol down before placing it down on the table. “Work and sleep is okay. Good distraction, I guess,” he shrugged. Evan nodded his head, running his hand through his hair. “That could be good for you. It’s nice to escape LA for a little while, trust me. This place starts to feel like a prison after a while. Just ask Raviv,” he chuckled, shaking his head and looking down to his lap. He cleared his throat, squeezing his eyes shut before tilting his head up to look at her. “Alex, I-,” he started, shaking his head. He wanted it over with, but he didn’t want to say it out loud.
Alex’s head darted up at his words, her eyes widening slightly. She was a little taken aback by the compliment, unsure what to say. She hadn’t expected that from him, but it felt good to hear him say it. You look good, you look nice, those are things he’d said to her in passing over the past few years. Not cute. Cute was affectionate. “I — Thank you,” she laughed, trying to cover up her nerves. “I didn’t do anything special, though. Just made the effort to get changed out of my pajamas that I’ve been in all day.” She joked, attempting to brush the compliment off, lest she read too much into it. He was probably just being nice. He wasn’t flirting with her. “Then I guess he’ll have two new playmates,” she bit her lip on a smile, ducking her head for a moment before looking back up. Alex’s breath hitched slightly at the way Evan was looking at her, swallowing roughly. “What?” She asked softly, brows twitching down. “What do I have something on my face?” She asked quickly, raising a hand up to wipe at her mouth, suddenly self conscious.
With Evan looking at her that way, Alex was now more nervous than before. She wished he hadn’t said anything. Now she was going to be overthinking ever move she made that evening, along with every move that he made. She was going to drive herself crazy tonight while she was trying to go to sleep. “Wine, huh?” She asked with a laugh, raising a brow curiously. “Never would have pegged you for a wine guy, but I guess taste buds change as you get older, right? Plus, when it’s to only thing at those events, you kind of have to get used to it. Or sneak in your own.” She grinned, waggling her brows before winking, laughing softly. “I do have beer too, though, if you want something else.” She shrugged. She wasn’t sure how this was supposed to go. if they were just supposed to pretend that nothing had ever happened, or if they were going to talk about all of their history. She didn’t want this to be awkward, but she didn’t know how to not make it awkward. ”Yeah, I guess that’s a pretty accurate description,” she nodded, letting out a quiet laugh. “It’s not really that I miss him,” she sighed softly, shaking her head. “I mean, I do, but in reality, we were growing apart for a while. Mostly I just miss having someone, who’s actually here.” She shrugged, smiling sadly. “And that, is all I’m going to say on this subject, until you get me hammered.” She laughed, shaking her head and brushing her hair back, trying to brush off that lingering feeling. She didn’t need to be talking about her most recent ex-boyfriend with the ex she still had feelings for. She didn’t need to be having feelings for Evan, but that was another problem entirely.
Alex laughed and nodded, pushing herself up and moving over to the bar, grabbing the bottle of dark liquid and moving back to the living room, setting it on the coffee table as she sat down. She topped off her glass before pushing it toward Evan, taking a long drink and sighing. “Work is a good distraction, sleep is good only until you wake up again.” She laughed, rolling her eyes at her own cynicism. “Oh, I know,” she nodded, pressing her lips together. “If I could live anywhere else, I probably would. I mean, I do love LA, but sometimes it gets to be too much.” Alex took a large sip of her drink, knowing she should slow down, but not in the mood to do so. She could feel herself getting tipsy, feeling lighter than she had before. “Raviv had the right idea.” She murmured, letting out a soft laugh. Alex looked up when he spoke, frowning when he cut himself off. “Whatever it is, you can tell me.” She said softly, tilting her head. Alex chewed gently at her lower lip, the words blurting out before she could stop them. “He cheated on me.” She said, letting out a shaky breath. “Only once, as far as I know. He never told me, I wasn’t even supposed to find out, but… pocket dialing.” She let out a sardonic laugh, looking down. “I thought about breaking up with him then, but I really did love him. And I think I tried to justify it to myself. Like, he was always gone, you know? It’s not like he could sleep with me. And guys will be guys. And I think… I was afraid to be alone. Really alone, because even though he was gone, I still had someone. Now I don’t.” She finished softly, her lips twitching, shrugging a shoulder. “I’m pathetic.” She laughed, self-deprecating, rubbing at her nose before raising her head, her lips pressed in a tight smile. “I might’ve had a shot before you got here, so I might be a little buzzed.”
Evan didn’t know how to bring something up like this. He didn’t know how to communicate it to Alex in a way that she wouldn’t truly hate him for the rest of her life. It was terrifying for him to come clean about something that had cursed his mind for some time now. Hell, this was the reason he and Emma broke up. He was slowly beginning to lose it, his mental state deteriorating. This secret catapulted him into some kind of distress that was nearly unbearable. He didn’t know how to control himself. He’d lost it on Emma far more times than he’d like to admit. She had every right to leave him, after all, he didn’t treat her the way that he should have. He had too much going on, always caught up in his own thoughts, obsessing over what he had done. It wasn’t like he could tell Emma, and regardless, he was beginning to feel himself slowly fall out of love with her. It just happened suddenly, so the break up was a bit of a relief.
Evan wasn’t going to allow himself to hook up with her, not in the state that he was in right now. He knew he’d only be doing it in order to keep himself grounded, to distract his mind from everything. That was completely unfair to her. He didn’t have any way of knowing if Alex had genuine feelings for him, so if he took advantage of the possibility, that would just make him even less of the man he already was. He needed to let this go as a friendship thing and nothing more. That wasn’t what he was here for. He smiled at Elvis and Annabelle, leaning down to pat them both on the heads. “Ah, it’s okay. Marlon’s hyper when he wants to be, I’m sure he’ll find a way to tire them out so they simmer down,” he said, using his left foot to pull his sneakers off and his other doing the same. Evan felt a little awkward, but it was comforting to see that she seemed to be in the same place right now. “Okay, good,” she laughed, moving in for a hug and wrapping his arms around her. He felt a spark of nostalgia and he knew he needed to let go soon. He was beginning to smell her familiar scent and fall into that trap he wouldn’t dare allow himself to get into.
Evan followed her into the living room, plopping down on the couch and leaning back against the cushion. He glanced up, giving her a small nod and a hum of recognition. “You know me so well,” he replied. He watched as she moved around the bar, a fascination in his eyes. He took the glass when she was done, giving her a small smile. “To rekindled friendships,” he repeated, tapping his glass against hers and lowering as much down as he could. Evan laughed at her words, giving her a small shrug. “Don’t worry about it. You’re welcome to talk about whatever it is you want tonight,” he said. Honestly, it might help him out a little if she told him something secret about herself as well. He sighed at her question, reaching over for the glass and lowering down more of his alcohol. He didn’t know how to respond to this question. He hadn’t been doing well, but he was getting so used to lying about it, that it was becoming second nature. “Not bad. I just work and sleep lately, it seems. Nothing too special. I’m just… holding it together,” he shrugged, hoping that answer would suffice. “And you? How’s everything going? Did you manage to snag anything during pilot season?”
Alex wasn’t even sure how this evening was going to go. She didn’t know if they were capable of talking to each other like they used to, or if things were going to be awkward and stilted. She didn’t know if they were capable of just being friends again, considering they were never really friends to begin with. They’d gone from being introduced, to flirting heavily, to jumping right into dating. It had worked well at the time, until the age difference began to become more obvious. And now, with Alex still having feelings for him, she knew she was going to end up making this ridiculously awkward, even if it wasn’t on purpose. She let out a relieved sigh as she watched Evan, glad to know that she wasn’t the only one who was nervous, or so it seemed. It was such a spur of the moment thing, and Alex really didn’t know why she’d offered, other than it seemed like Evan needed a shoulder to lean on. He had plenty of friends though, so she didn’t understand why he didn’t go to Martin, or Raviv.
"Well, then I guess they’ll get along just fine," she laughed quietly, watching as her own two dogs began to chase Marlon through the house pressing her lips together in a smile. Even if things were awkward between the two of them, at least their dogs seemed to get along fine. "Good," Alex repeated, nodding, doing her best not to let herself succumb to the desire to breath him in, let the familiar scent wash over her. Even if he’d changed colognes over the years, there was still something that was distinctly Evan, and always would be. But she needed to push these thoughts aside, as they would only lead to disaster and heartache, with a crushing feeling of nostalgia weighing her down. Alex laughed softly as she poured his drink, glancing over to him with a smile. "Well, we did date for, what? almost two years? Some things may have changed, but I don’t think the way you take you drink has. But feel free to correct me if I’m wrong." Her voice was almost teasing in the way she spoke, slipping back into the way they used to be, when things were good between them. Alex smiled softly when he repeated the cheer, giving a small nod before looking down, chewing at her lower lip.
"Well, see, that’s just the thing, I don’t particularly want to talk about," she shook her head, sighing softly. "But get enough liquor in me, and I’ll definitely be whining about how I miss having a warm body next to me in bed." She chuckled softly, dismissing it as a joke, but inside her stomach turned at how true the comment was. She missed having somebody there, someone to roll over to in the middle of the night and curl up with, to wake up next to, both their eyes filled with sleep as they blinked awake. She had loved Casey, but it had just gotten too hard. He was always on the road, out of the country, unable to come home even for a day or two, and it was frustrating. Alex watched him carefully, raising a brow at the way he was inhaling the liquor, her own glass only a few sips emptier. "Am I gonna just have to bring the bottle over here?" She teased, laughing playfully. "Work and sleep, seems pretty typical around here." She nodded, pressing her lips together, holding back her curiosity at his last words. Alex sighed and shook her head, taking a larger sip of her drink. "No, unfortunately it doesn’t seem like it, unless I get something way last minute. I just finished up a few new movies, but that’s about it on my working calendar. Looks like I’ll just be continuing to be go on auditions throughout the year. But hey, maybe I can jump on tour with Katy for a few days or something, who knows. She’s heading to Australia in November, that could be fun. Hopefully the sting of the breakup will have lessened by then, maybe I can drag Shannon along to make it easier." She shrugged, musing over the thought.